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        "title": "AntiChrist cx",
        "subtitle": "Journal of the So-Called AntiChrist",
        "source_designation": "AntiChrist cx: Journal of the So-Called AntiChrist",
        "period": "2000–2004",
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    "text": "67\nNovember 2003\n11/25/03 cx the building blocks of all matter are the\nsame as those of all other forms of energy. So all\nlife “as we know it“ is made up of cretin\nfundamental elements characteristic of life. So now\nto beg the question, rebuild life still out of matter\nbut in a new way. You have come hear in your\nsearch, I have many answers,,, many solutions still\nfar outside my grasp, the sun at noon show light\nonto the flower that flower was life and I had not\nseen it in days or years, suppressed within myself\nwithin my hatred of myself for what I could not\nhave and who I could not be. No I am not satisfied\nwith who I am or what my life has been made of as\nof yet but I know that no one owes me a sun rise, no\nman, woman, god, or demon owes me anything, I\nsink or I swim in the ocean of life and I will do it\nweather I want to or not that is the nature of my\nstruggle. I have seen, the less you want to fight the\nmore people think that they can pick on you. The\nmore blood you spill and people you hurt so it\nwould seem the better off you are. Anything you do\nin self defense will be seen as weakness, because if\nyou where not weak you would not need to\nreinforce your guard. I have seen all of this and\nmore and not I am waiting for a sign a smoking gun\nso I can move the troops forward. Maybe I don't\nwant to wait anymore, maybe I want to fight, maybe\nblood lust has gotten the best of me after all, maybe\nnot. I like to talk and I like it when people listen, as\nmuch as I would like to wave my have and make\nmy ambitions real, it is you that is the judge, the\njury, and the executioner. Of what I do not know,\nbut maybe you could help me with that, to\nunderstand better how I fit in to not just the world\n68\nbut my own life, my own existence. This is a\ntragedy to know so much more then I should and as\nI silence the cries of hunger with death… to not cry\nthat I am wrong, to want silence to be in pain, to\nhate what so much what it has become... I implore\nyou do something, don't throw it all away and admit\ndefeat when the truth is the only battle is between\nideas, between culture, and ways of life believe.\nIndividually we are all solders for what we believe\nis just and right! And most of us know that the\nDollar is king, and the USA is our only true god.\nThose of you that turn away and say heathen, you\ndon't understand that collection plate is to feed the\nbeast your church does workshop the almighty\ndollar. There is not rest of the soul there is no\nescape, there is only chaos, to remove your self to\nturn you back on our GOD (money) will surly mean\ndeath, wiping one more miserable weak blood line\nfrom the rivers of future slavery. That else to do but\nto embrace demon, to become the beast, and\nembalm the nature of man for all eternity. Better\nthat then to fall pray, better that then to allow the\nweak and the weak minded to flourish in happy go\nluck state of slavery. We are doomed.\n11/10/03 cx This is a day of change, a pivotal point\nin the future of many. The war against me and my\ninfluence on my daughter has been stepped up. I\nstill do not want to fight with anyone. Pacifism does\nnot work, those who refuse to fight are run over, in\nthe long run those who fight survive because life\nand everything in it is a battle. A battle I never\ncared to be part of. Even as my passive way of life,\nand my very beliefs where under scrutiny, I did not\nback down, but I did not fight when I should have.\nThis is my rock, I am part of it, the earth, time, and\nthe abyss. I think therefore the chemical receptors in\nmy brain are still in working order. I feel constant\n",
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